


Have Faith, or Pandemonium

by Lepord257



Series: Dead Men verse [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Merc!Wash, i kind of love it, kind of, mercs still havent shown up yet, wash is an angsty boy and hes talking to a ray of fucking sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:48:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lepord257/pseuds/Lepord257
Summary: Twenty minutes before roll call, Wash stops short of his cellblock, frozen by a delightful combination of shock, dread, and righteous fury. There’s music coming from his cell. Swing music. Andsinging..On a prison ship in the ass-end of nowhere, a dead man makes a nuisance of himself.





	Have Faith, or Pandemonium

**Author's Note:**

> [This](https://open.spotify.com/track/1Oucskplx9szym7tEM8acN) is the song Colorado is playing. Please play it while you read, it makes the whole thing 10x funnier

As it happens, Wash is alone for several hours after spotting Alaska in the yard. He gets maybe three steps towards them before Colorado disperses his adoring fans and by the time they’ve cleared, both agents are gone.

Something rotten in his gut twists at that. He’s not sure who he’s more angry at: the freelancers for leaving, or himself for thinking they wouldn’t.

He catches glimpses of them all day. A guard rubbing their aching fingers. A flash of pink hair. An inmate complaining about someone singing show tunes in the shower. Wash ignores all of it. If they wanted to speak to him, they would. He’s confident they won’t.

That evening, they do.

Twenty minutes before roll call, Wash stops short of his cellblock, frozen by a delightful combination of shock, dread, and righteous fury. There’s music coming from his cell. Swing music. And _singing._

_“-centuate the positive! Eliminate the negative! Latch on-”_

Colo- _fucking_ -rado

Wash is going to commit another murder and it won’t even be his fault.

Colorado belts another line, and Wash storms into _his_ cell. _His cell!_ That Colorado is putting his shit in!

“What is this?” Wash growls from the doorway. Shadows cast by the bars are broken only by Wash’s silhouette.

Colorado spins to face him and sashays towards Wash, hands outstretched like he wants to lead him in a dance.

And he's still.

Singing.

Wash does not take Colorado’s hands. Instead, he crosses his arms and levels the other agent with his steeliest glare. Colorado mirrors Wash, crossing his arms and glaring down with exaggerated malice. The music gets quieter despite Colorado making no move to turn it down.

“Killjoy,” Colorado huffs good naturedly.

“That’s me,” Wash agrees. “Now answer the question.”

Colorado’s demeanor changes in an instant; he beams and throws his arms open. “I’m your new roommate!”

Wash glares.

“Mine went nuts, begged the guards for a switch. No idea why.” He puts his hands in his back pockets and bounces on his toes in time with the music.

“It’s a mystery,” Wash deadpans.

“So I thought, maybe this is an opportunity.”

Wash raises an eyebrow. Somehow, this encourages him.

“‘Cause like, I know who could _really_ use a friendly face.”

Pause.

“It’s you. You’re the-”

“Co.” Colorado stops dead. “Why are you here?”

“ _Jael Jackson_ was found guilty of a truly improbable number of arson charges.”

 _“You know damn well-”_ Stop. Breathe. Deep breaths. If you yell he wins. “Why,” he tries again, “are you my new roomate?”

He almost looks hurt. A flicker, half a second, but it’s there. He recovers quickly, schooling his expression into a caricature of indignation.  
“I’d _assumed_ you’d rather room with me than Douglas “fourteen counts of murder” Wilson. Plus, you know.” Colorado’s demeanor slides easily from indignant to fond. “Easier to keep an eye on you this way.”

Wash stiffens. All the soft smiles in the world can’t hide the threat implicit in his words. Especially coming from someone more artifice than person.

Colorado’s eyes narrow, but his posture stays relaxed and open. He takes a seat on the bottom bunk, leans against the wall. “Hope we’re not stepping on any toes with the Price thing.”

Wash responds before he can stop himself. “The what?”

“Price,” Colorado says, like maybe Wash hadn’t heard him right the first time. “Al was gonna kill him during transfer when we docked, but-” He shrugs. “If you’ve got dibs, you’ve got dibs.”

In cellblock 37B of a prison ship so inconsequential they didn’t bother with cryo making its way through the furthest reaches of deep space to the place where he’s to be stored away until the Powers That Be find a reason to remember his continued existence, the former Agent Washington of the now defunct Project Freelancer has three realizations in rapid succession.

1\. Colorado and Alaska think he’s here on purpose. They ran too early to know about Recovery One, the Meta, the EMP, Sidewinder - any of it.

2\. Colorado and Alaska _are_ here on purpose. They have an escape route. And, if Wash sticks with them, he will too.

3\. If Alaska ever finds out what he did, they will kill him. It won’t matter that Wash is the better fighter, because they won’t bother with a fight.

Wash hears himself speaking at a distance. “I think Al called dibs before I made the Leaderboard.”

Colorado snorts. “And the man still thinks he can worm his way out of it.”

“Yeah,” says Wash. “What a dumbass.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me to write the actual au this au is based on on tumblr at ivekilledmonsters. Or yell at me to write more of this. Or Two Houses.
> 
> Oh fuck this is how the endless cycle of starting so very many wips starts isn't it


End file.
